Keep Calm and Be Direct
Posted on October 31, 2016 By Rich Jarett | TAGS: Communication, Language
I am British and therefore avoid all awkward situations and conversations by being as vague about what I mean as possible.
I also live and work in New York City.
That's good, right? We speak the same language. Except we don't, not even remotely.
I work in IT Recruitment so my job has a strong sales focus, plus I talk to lots of people and often have to ask them questions that delve quite deeply into their personal history. I've always worked in some form of sales but in the UK it was fine, you could bumble through a conversation yet still manage to communicate perfectly well with other Brits who generally knew what you meant. Here it is different. Very different. Americans are exceptionally direct. To a Brit this feels a little rude, and nothing is more upsetting to those from across the pond than rudeness or the thought that you are perceived as rude.
Amazing to think Britain is the land of Shakepeare, Newton, Darwin and Dickens, but we apologize hundreds of times a day for no reason, often when it's entirely not our fault. We invented the jet engine, computers, discovered DNA, and yet get uncomfortable if asked to 'talk about ourselves'. We seem to have always been involved in some kind of war and yet hate confrontation. Above all, we never, ever say what we mean.
Here is a handy list from @SoVeryBritish that may help explain:
“There’s been a bit of a mix-up.” – I’ve ruined all of your plans and destroyed everything you hold dear.
"Anyway, it was lovely to meet you.” – Please go away now.
“I tried to call you.” – I let the phone ring twice and then hung up.
“I might pop along.” – I’m probably not coming.
“I’ll see how I feel.” – I’m definitely not coming.
“It’s not quite what I had in mind.” – What the bloody hell is this?
“It was working a minute ago.” – You’ve broken it.
“With the greatest respect…” – I think you’re an idiot.
"We're going on a date." – We are getting roaringly drunk together.
"I'm feeling a bit under the weather, to be honest." – I have alcohol poisoning.
"I was just about to call you, actually" – If you hadn't just phoned you'd have never heard from me again.
“I’m fine.” – I’m fine.
“I’m fine.” – I’m furious.
“I’m fine!” – My whole life is in tatters. Please bring me a drink.
Confusing isn't it?
Now back to the workplace. A normal conversation for my colleagues can be a little uncomfortable for me. Asking why someone got 'let go' or why they made a questionable career move does not come naturally to me. Skirting around the issue with "um, err so what happened there then?" does not work over here. People look a bit perplexed, "what exactly is this woman asking me?" and even with my accent I'm not sure it is all that charming.
I am getting better at it though, at work and in everyday life. For example, when anyone from back home visits I get excruciatingly embarrassed in restaurants as one of them invariably spends 10 minutes politely telling the flummoxed waiter why they don't want the soup of the day, so as not to offend the chef/waiter/soup. "Just order what you do want!", I eventually bark to the shocked expressions from my visitors. Then I stride off through the streets leaving them miles behind because they don't want to try and overtake anyone on the sidewalk.
I have immense sympathy for all those from other nations who find themselves working in NYC battling through cultural differences. It takes some adjusting to, and English is my first language. I can only imagine how difficult it must be if it is your second one. My best advice is this - if you think you are being direct, you aren't, you must carry on until you think, "I may have crossed a line here." because even then you can bet you haven't.
Right then, I'm off, cheerio, take care, see you soon, hope it doesn't rain, it's meant to be nice tomorrow.